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Demonfist



Posts : 3
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Join date : 2012-08-18

Hokkaido Clan Done Empty
PostSubject: Hokkaido Clan Done   Hokkaido Clan Done EmptySat Aug 18, 2012 10:35 pm


Hokkaido Clan
Hokkaido Clan Done Demonk11

Kekkei Genkai:Jigokuton 地獄遁 の 術 Hell Release is not another element per say but an expansion of the Katon Release. The Hokkaido clan have the "Damned Soul" and "Pure Body" which creates an inner conflict and rage like no other. This special damned soul is tormented by the heat of an ancient fire thus cursing this clan to be Masters of the flame and no other element through the creation of heat energy. This curse does have benefits however, they have a supreme mastery over fire jutsu and heat manipulation. Fire jutsu used by an Hokkaido (other than clan jutsu) are given 50% more range.The Hokkaido clan can also raise and lower their body temperatures and the area around them to survive in different environments and they do not feel the effects of raised or lowered temperatures. Due to their damned souls that are forever bonded to them, and inferno chakra, removal of either cannot be done through jutsu. All Hokkaido are born with two seals on both palms The left seal is the Seal of Pure Body(Needed to absorb heat energy and creates balance) The Right Seal Seal of the Damned Soul(Creates heat energy and Katon).


Clan Traits:Due to there damned souls this clan has a slightly larger charka pool then most shinobi of there ranks 25% larger.

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Home Village:Suna
Clan History:The Mikaboshi originated as an antithesis to the positive forces of life in Shinto, thus its lack of a singular form. It is a force of absolute domination that feeds off of human emotions that, if left unchecked, result in social, emotional, or physical destruction. For instance, a desire for success can lead to greed and lust for power, which is the result of the influence of the Mikaboshi's residue. Love for another can lead to obsession or jealousy, also result of these dark influences. In this respect the Mikaboshi could be thought of as being a Japanese "Satan figure." This is supported by its title as "August Star of Heaven" which is similar to the term "Morningstar" which is used another name for Lucifer in Christianity.



In later centuries, certain creatures that are by nature dark or demonic were said to be connected to the Mikaboshi in a sort of slave relationship to its power. Souls that died with strong attachments and came back to hurt the living were said to have become physical agents to the Mikaboshi's force in a more direct way than simple greed or lust when living, and such creatures as oni , Ama-no-Jaku, and Demons were also results of certain natural elements falling prey to passions fed by the Mikaboshi's temptations. The ultimate goal, it is said, was to absoultely destroy everything by dissolving it back into chaos, whereby the static, controlling power of the Mikaboshi could return.

The remnants of the God of Darkness and Evil himself Hokkaido Mikoboshi. It is said that his Occult the Ama-noKagaseo, powerful dark sorcerors who served him. They took the most beautiful women from near by villages to be his bride. It is said that one through the flames of sacrifice bore a child. This child was destined to release their master Mikoboshi and bring the world into darkness once more. The powerful young man and his legion of followers almost succeeded but where defeated by the Sage of the sixth paths and his two sons in a fierce battle. However the dark prince had made an heir of his own. While attacking a nearby village the heartless Hokkaido took a young priestess as his own against her will and she gave birth to twin abominations. Though she was pure in body the taint of theirs fathers damned soul lingered within them. They soon began to spread and form their own clan but were soon crushed again by the rarely united ancestors of those who killed there forefather.



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Clan Leader:Katsu Hokkaido
Current Members:

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Clan Bloodline Techniques/Jutsu:
Spoiler:
 

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Demonfist



Posts : 3
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Hokkaido Clan Done Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hokkaido Clan Done   Hokkaido Clan Done EmptySat Aug 18, 2012 10:57 pm

Done ready to be checked
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Klown
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Shinobi Information
Rank: Kazekage
Health:
Hokkaido Clan Done Left_bar_bleue800/800Hokkaido Clan Done Empty_bar_bleue  (800/800)
Chakra:
Hokkaido Clan Done Left_bar_bleue1000/1000Hokkaido Clan Done Empty_bar_bleue  (1000/1000)

Hokkaido Clan Done Empty
PostSubject: Re: Hokkaido Clan Done   Hokkaido Clan Done EmptySun Aug 19, 2012 12:34 am

50% more range is a lot, rank it from C-S

You can't change the temperature around you, that would be the weather/climate and that not what your clan does.

Your chakra can be removed, being immune to a type of jutsu is just op

25% more chakra than shinobi of their rank is a lot again rank it from C-S

Note: You do realize this natural flame you cannot control right? And as a result it won't be nearly as effective as the chakra flame?
Jutsu - please use the correct template
Heat sensing is op, remove the immunity of genjutsu completely.

Remove burning spirit for the reasons above about the weather/climate

Hell pit trap
would the blast create a pit? Please state that if it does.
Next, the ranges are very high the range can be 3ft per rank (C at 3ft S at 12) and the blast can be 3x the range of the area. 5 is way too much, that would give you a 20ft range and a 100ft blast, that is a big no no.

Wall of flames, state how big the wall is and a jutsu the same rank can make the wall 'collapse' or 'break'

Body of Blaze, state the temperatures.

Flaming prison, equal rank can break it. The area inside the dome would be 50 yards only, no rank variation and the dome would need a constant supply of chakra.

Flame control, remove it you would only be able to do that if your chakra was imbued within it, this isn't avatar with fire benders...

Sun Flare should be A rank and blinds the opponent for 1 post. It also needs a way to be recognized and countered against like a loud cracking sound otherwise it is OP and needs to be removed.

Flame ward seal lasts 8 posts full stop, at S-rank lasting 24 posts is ridiculous, again the jutsu can be of equal rank. Note, the seal should be visible.

Phoenix flame, removes a C-rank amount of chakra.

Sun Slicer would be taijutsu due to it being physical, you slicing the enemy. White flame is hotter than blue flame, and being that hot it would still burn your hand ridiculously so state how badly the hand is damaged. Make it S-rank being that powerful.


Note: I'll do the rest of the jutsu next time, I was running low on time and had to do things so fix them and I'll re-check it whenever it's done
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